For a few moments let us forget the rights and wrongs of Pakistan in the ball tampering controversy and concentrate on the parody of that Shakespearean tragedy Macbeth that the Hair drama is throwing up. Trying to reword the latest developments with some creative license:
Scene One:
"I’ll be putting a lot to my side when this is all over. I have been vilified by virtually everybody here and when the truth comes out a lot of people will pay. So, that’s all I can say."
Darrell Hair mouths these dramatic words and achieves his original aim of making people chew off nails in anticipation of his autobiography. Good PR job that, we must say. But then……
Scene Two:
……with his present and future workload the story can only come out a few years later - as stale as John Wright talking about his Indian tenure in 2006. Enter the three witches who whisper business sense into Hair's ears and arouse his greed. [Analogies yet to be established for all three witches but Steve Waugh with his indirect role in fanning the controversy qualifies as one…]
Hair realises that he simply has to write a book on this controversy right NOW. "Hit the market while the principal topic is still raging." He may strike gold with the publication and never have to stand again in the sun with stressed lumbars for days on end.
But how does Hair write a book while ICC (King Duncan) makes him conquer new frontiers [officiate in Test matches] around the globe all year? Darrell (okay, we will call him Macbeth henceforth) feels the prick to chuck this umpiring job for a greater gain. Time for a few drastic measures.
Scene Three:
Meanwhile, Macbeth consults Lady Macbeth (umpire Ross Emerson, of the Murali connection). The Lady comes out in support of Macbeth’s plan to get rid of Duncan from his scheme of things. The Lady incites him further: why not try and wring out his expected earnings over next few years from the King’s coffers before eliminating him? Enter $500,000, Hair’s claim for vacating an umpiring slot of the ICC panel. [I bet that was the most expensive way to lose Hair.]
Our Macbeth is a man of deeds. [Please note the absence of the term ‘honourable man’ – I hate mixing up plays.] He assures us about making 'a lot of people pay when the truth is out' and actually attempts it. Indeed what is ICC, Darrell's paymaster and the Duncan of this Macbeth, but representation of 'a lot of people'?
Scene Four:
"If people want to force me out of the game it has to be done in some shape or form that I am unaware of, because I am contracted to do a job and I know I am doing it quite well at the moment so far as the ins and outs are concerned."
Is it the same Macbeth speaking to news agencies while firing off that half-a-million letter to ICC? Here the Shakespearean script threatens to morph into a Ram aur Shyam like Hindi movie ("Maqbool" be damned) where lookalikes keep exchanging positions. But wait! Darrell Hair’s Macbeth has to be taken to task and who else can you have but the slain King’s son Malcolm speeding up to the podium, joining hands with Macduff (Inzamam), another Macbeth victim to elaborate on the clandestine deeds of Macbeth.
Scene Five:
Scene One:
"I’ll be putting a lot to my side when this is all over. I have been vilified by virtually everybody here and when the truth comes out a lot of people will pay. So, that’s all I can say."
Darrell Hair mouths these dramatic words and achieves his original aim of making people chew off nails in anticipation of his autobiography. Good PR job that, we must say. But then……
Scene Two:
……with his present and future workload the story can only come out a few years later - as stale as John Wright talking about his Indian tenure in 2006. Enter the three witches who whisper business sense into Hair's ears and arouse his greed. [Analogies yet to be established for all three witches but Steve Waugh with his indirect role in fanning the controversy qualifies as one…]
Hair realises that he simply has to write a book on this controversy right NOW. "Hit the market while the principal topic is still raging." He may strike gold with the publication and never have to stand again in the sun with stressed lumbars for days on end.
But how does Hair write a book while ICC (King Duncan) makes him conquer new frontiers [officiate in Test matches] around the globe all year? Darrell (okay, we will call him Macbeth henceforth) feels the prick to chuck this umpiring job for a greater gain. Time for a few drastic measures.
Scene Three:
Meanwhile, Macbeth consults Lady Macbeth (umpire Ross Emerson, of the Murali connection). The Lady comes out in support of Macbeth’s plan to get rid of Duncan from his scheme of things. The Lady incites him further: why not try and wring out his expected earnings over next few years from the King’s coffers before eliminating him? Enter $500,000, Hair’s claim for vacating an umpiring slot of the ICC panel. [I bet that was the most expensive way to lose Hair.]
Our Macbeth is a man of deeds. [Please note the absence of the term ‘honourable man’ – I hate mixing up plays.] He assures us about making 'a lot of people pay when the truth is out' and actually attempts it. Indeed what is ICC, Darrell's paymaster and the Duncan of this Macbeth, but representation of 'a lot of people'?
Scene Four:
"If people want to force me out of the game it has to be done in some shape or form that I am unaware of, because I am contracted to do a job and I know I am doing it quite well at the moment so far as the ins and outs are concerned."
Is it the same Macbeth speaking to news agencies while firing off that half-a-million letter to ICC? Here the Shakespearean script threatens to morph into a Ram aur Shyam like Hindi movie ("Maqbool" be damned) where lookalikes keep exchanging positions. But wait! Darrell Hair’s Macbeth has to be taken to task and who else can you have but the slain King’s son Malcolm speeding up to the podium, joining hands with Macduff (Inzamam), another Macbeth victim to elaborate on the clandestine deeds of Macbeth.
Scene Five:
Still under scripting – keep watching.
And almost all of this has happened in a single day! Irrespective of the fate of Darrell Hair this Macbeth is anything but a tragedy.
Disclaimer: I happen to be a complete outsider in this Hair-v-Pak war as I admit to the shame of not having watched live cricket in the past fortnight or so.
[FOR THE EXACT SEQUENCE OF EVENTS THAT TRIGGERED THIS CONTROVERSY READ THIS POST BY MATT THORNTON.]
3 comments:
I guess "Prince of Calcutta" would have taken "Prince of Denmark" head-on....the former must be licking his fingers now.....
Well, Dada is fast becoming the first choice for all Shakespearean tragedies. He has already featured as Caesar for Gaurav Sabnis: http://blogs.cricinfo.com/different_strokes/archives/2005/12/friends_romans.php
Haha. Good stuff.
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